The Captain's Address
by doorwaytoparadise
Summary: For a prompt on the CP meme where Martin shows a surprising proficiency with swear words, and stuns both the target of his rant and the rest of MJN.


_For this prompt from the Cabin Pressure meme:_

_(I would love for Martin to just break out in an utter string of swears at some point. Don't care why (slams his hand in something, van breaks down, sex, whatever). Just a barrage of talk that would make grown sailors blush. The more people around to witness this (though, uh, if you go the sex route I can understand only having an audience of one). I just really want Martin to prove he has a fantastically creative vocabulary when he forgets himself._

_And then everyone can be all, "...*stunned*" and Martin can be all, "...oops. *blush*" and and and_

_*hopeful* )_

* * *

The man was frankly irritating. All of MJN would say so if questioned. However, the aforementioned company was currently attempting to placate him. As their latest client, naturally Carolyn was keen to keep him satisfied, but even with the promise of pay, the CEO was quickly losing patience. He was ignorant and rude and constantly made rather stupid declarations. None of the crew were too upset by them until he started to verbally attack them. Not too much at first, just appearance, but steadily escalating to wild assumptions about them as people and their private lives and family. Douglas bit his tongue, Carolyn forced back a scowl, Arthur looked hurt, and Martin...well...

Martin's eye twitched. His lips curled, his eyes narrowed. His face darkened to the point of rather resembling a severe thunderstorm. One look at him had even Carolyn feeling a little wary of the captain. And the moment he opened his mouth and loosed his tongue, it was imminently clear as to why.

"You-you-you you goddamn motherfucking sodding mad bastard. What in the actual fuck is wrong with you? God motherfucking shit, christ on a bike, you are an absolute bellend. Jesus Mary and Joseph. You-you fuckwad, dumb shit, ignorant slut. Get the hell out. You are an absolute douchebag with a clusterfuck of bullshit and I cannot even articulate what the bloody fuck is the worst goddamn part. You are a dickhead and a wanker and I am so fucking close to literally punching you in your jackass face, you son of a bitch. I swear to god if you ever say something like that again, cocksucker, I will ensure there will be hell to pay. Pricks like you infuriate me to the point where I lose my ability to properly speak. So let me tell you this, you twat. Shut. Your. Fucking. Mouth. "

Dead silence. The target for Martin's rage promptly turned tail and ran. The rest of the audience to the normally unassuming man's outburst was frozen in place. Carolyn and Douglas were both gaping at Martin, stunned that that kind of language had so easily poured from his mouth. Arthur, however, made a rather swift recovery.

"Wow, Skip, I didn't know some of those words existed!"

The statement seemed to snap said man out of his rage. He blinked rapidly, seemingly only just coming back to himself. Immediately his face flushed.

"Uh-uh-uh, I-er-that was-I mean-ah...I'm sorry?"

Douglas let out a snort, having recovered sufficiently in the face of Martin's normal behavior.

"How articulate of you, Captain. Considering that you gave us such an impressive display of your way with words just now. Our client certainly seemed in awe of the performance."

"Oh! Oh god, I'm sorry, I just ran him off, didn't I? I-"

"Oh stop your stuttering. He paid up front."

Carolyn had a slight smirk on her face as she spoke, looking terribly pleased with the way her employee had cut the unpleasant man down so brutally. In fact, all three of them, after the initial shock had worn off, were amused and, in Douglas and Carolyn's case, secretly impressed. Arthur, on the other hand, was openly impressed and proceeded to declare it "brilliant." Martin relaxed under the gentle, familiar teasing of his friends and grinned, rather pleased with himself.

Life carried on as normal, as life at MJN was wont to do, but none of them forgot the incident, and proceeded to use it to their advantage. Be it for as simple as a word game for Douglas, to laying into the next rude client for Carolyn, Martin's rather impressive repertoire of swear words was certainly not forgotten.


End file.
